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22 January, 2015

A Few Good Ballboys

With help from folks on twitter, here's a quick look at today's Tom Brady press conference

Reporter: Col. Brady, if you ordered the footballs not be touched, why would they be in danger? Why would it be necessary to re-check the PSI?
Brady: Sometimes men take footballs into their own hands.
Reporter: No, sir. You made it clear just a moment ago that ballboys never take matters into their own hands. Your ballboys follow orders or PSI changes. So the footballs shouldn't have been in any danger at all, should they have, Col. Brady?
Brady: You snotty, little bastard.
Reporter: Colonel Brady, did you order the PSI?!

PR person: don't have to answer that question!

Brady: I'll answer the question. You want answers?

Reporter: I think I'm entitled!

Brady: You want answers?!

Reporter: I want the truth!
Brady: Son, we live in a world that has balls, and those balls have to be guarded by men with guns. Not the Aaron Hernandez kind of guns, guns like Gronk has. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Adam Schefter? You Chris Mortensen?
I have a greater responsibility and hotter wife than than you could possibly fathom. You weep for the Colts and you curse the Patriots. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That the Colts loss, while sloppy, probably saved Super Bowl ratings. And my existence, while beautiful and incomprehensibly charming to everyone, saves lives. You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at fantasy drafts, you want me on those balls, you need me on those balls. We use words like "Blue 90", "55 is the mike", "Omaha". We use these words as the backbone of a life spent quarterbacking. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to an audience who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the victories I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide them. I would rather you just said Go Patriots!, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a football and take a snap from center. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to.
Reporter: Did you order the PSI??
Brady: I did the job I...
Reporter: Did you order the PSI?*
Brady: You're Goddamn right I did!

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