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06 August, 2011

I think....

   by Gus Ramsey

...there needs to be a 45 second transaction clock at all ATMs. If you can't get your business done in that time, your transaction is cancelled and you must do all bank business inside the bank for 3 days.

...2:48 is the record for fastest time untying two tangled extension cords. It will never be broken.

...the rain out is a crushing fan experience. It's King Kong Bundy dropping a butt bomb on Sky Low Low. If you go to a NBA, NHL or NFL game, you are pretty much certain to see your game, barring brush fire, extreme winter weather or a water pipe bursting in the arena. Baseball is a much bigger crap shoot. And if you live far away, like me, and you drive 3 hours round trip to sit in the rain, still spend $100 on various things and walk away without seeing a game, well that just sucks.
All you fan bases of teams with retractable roofs, count your blessings.

...the place where all the bad guys on Scooby Doo got their masks has to be the greatest mask store ever. You could argue Scooby Doo was on the forefront of identity theft.

...the unsung comedy film of the 80's is Weird Science. My friends and I used to quote that film all the time ("She's into malakas, Dino! ") Not sure if it holds up. If you've never seen it, get it (don't watch the version that airs on USA or TNT) and let me know.

...bad bullpens are like bad desserts. They leave a bad taste in your mouth, upset your stomach and wish you had made a different choice.

...when guys start throwing at each other in baseball, let's let the managers fight and see how soon they stop ordering their guys to retaliate.

...if there was one other person in the world who remembered Va-Voom from the Felix the Cat cartoon, I might feel a little more sane.

...sometime in the fall of 1979 was the last time someone said, "You can say that again," which is a good thing. Some expressions just need to go away.

...I enjoy Twitter (August 13th will be my 1-year Twitterversary), but the "I'll stop following you if you keep a) tweeting about a certain topic b) tweeting so much" threat might be the most inane thing in the Twitterverse. I'm not trying to sound like a jerk (which means I'm about to sound like a jerk), but my world doesn't spin off it's axis if someone stops following me. Likewise, I'm sure you'll be just fine if you stop following me or anyone else. It just strikes me as odd that people make that threat. Do those people  go into a restaurant and say, "Hey, if you keep serving that food I'm going to have to stop eating here?" And if you did, would the restaurant change it's menu? I appreciate every follower I have, but I am what I am. So to paraphrase Col. Jessup, I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a follower who reads the very tweets that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I tweet. I would rather you just unfollowed, and went on your way.  No harm, no foul. (did that sound jerky enough?)

...I'm glad I got that off my chest. 

...Kyle Orton should be the Broncos starting QB this year.'ll be 2 more seasons before we know if Tim Tebow is a quality NFL QB. the top 5 of Most Important Things I Can Teach My Sons is the proper way to make a PB+J. That includes proper wipe technique of the excess peanut butter either into the jar or onto the fingers. This ranks ahead of folding t-shirts and tying shoes, among many others.

...the guy who mocked me in the spring for saying that Freddie Freeman was going to be good owes me an apology.

...I may have failed as a father when my 3-year old asked me to sing the Kofi Kingston entrance song with him and I didn't know the words. 

...I get a little giddy every time I flip channels and pass by the RedZone channel. dad is right when he says "June walks, July jogs and August runs." our going green world, records should not be broken, they should be restored. that vein, when rivals get together for a big game, instead of throwing out the record books, we should recycle them. :45 are up. 

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